How I became an office hero thanks to this faulty coffee machine
5.12.2019
Translation: machine translated
"Karoshi" is written on the label of our old Bezzera machine: "Death by overwork" in Japanese. The coffee machine has given up the ghost and brought our graphic designers to the brink of madness. I'm trying to help.
When the graphics department slowly arrives at around ten o'clock in the morning, the coffee machine has to be warmed up and ready. Of course, we're not talking about the general office machine from Francs. The vain ladies and gentlemen would never get coffee from a fully automatic machine. Three years ago, they therefore purchased an Italian Bezzera Giulia portafilter machine including grinder.
Even the normal bean blend was not good enough. It needed Ethiopian highland wild coffee (100% Arabica) from the micro-roastery. The sacred graphic grail was guarded like the apple of its eye. Two memos bear witness to the fact that a lot went wrong.
A miracle, nobody has installed a surveillance camera in the cafeteria yet. The situation has escalated time and again. Employees from other offices had the audacity to use the coffee machine! The portafilter attracted coffee junkies from all over the building. They gathered around the machine like moths to a flame. It all became too much for Giulia. Again and again she was in need of repairs. If the machine didn't froth milk, the creatives would froth with rage.
Marketing boss Martin himself finally put a stop to the external coffee parties with an "email to everyone". The first sentence of this email is truly a trouvaille of passive-aggressive office communication.
I'm coming to you with a somewhat daft email, I'm not happy about it either, but unfortunately there's no other solution.
That was a year ago and since then the Giulia has actually been running quite well...
The old one gives up the ghost
Two months ago, it broke down. She no longer wanted to. It couldn't do it anymore. Loose contacts, leaks, even graphic designer Alessandro's valiant attempt to repair it was unsuccessful. Since then, the mood in the graphics department has been at rock bottom. Meetings are a torture, orders are fulfilled half-heartedly or not at all and the intern has to work overtime.
No one has the money for a new machine either, which the design snobs would of course much rather invest in far too expensive, old furniture and admit: "Yes, the armchair is uncomfortable, but it's a design classic from Denmark. Now that it's a hundred years of Bauhaus, you have to treat yourself to it." It was just a Bialetti cooker that they borrowed from another department to replace the Giulia. It was nothing more than a little something to lift the mood in the short term. The fall was all the deeper when they realised that Bialetti was actually also scrap. So it became a case for me.
My idea: the whole office tests portafilter machines, which I organise. This only has advantages for me:
- I have to work less because the whole office is involved in testing
- The review becomes more representative because everyone gives their opinion
- I am elevated to god-like status by the coffee drinkers in the office
So now we test one machine every month. Afterwards, the testers fill out a questionnaire, which I then analyse in a highly scientific manner.
The questionnaire
On a scale of 1 to 10, there are two categories: "Design" (7 questions) and "Operation and coffee" (5 questions). I know, that's 6 design questions too many. But that's what the creative department wants. My design looks like this:
You can also download it here as a PDF.
The test series will be kicked off by an old acquaintance:
I have already tested the Lelit Bianca in a video and found it to be good. Will it get through to the picky graphic designers?
You can find out by clicking on "Follow" in my author profile.
Simon Balissat
Teamleader Editorial
Simon.Balissat@digitecgalaxus.chWhen I flew the family nest over 15 years ago, I suddenly had to cook for myself. But it wasn’t long until this necessity became a virtue. Today, rattling those pots and pans is a fundamental part of my life. I’m a true foodie and devour everything from junk food to star-awarded cuisine. Literally. I eat way too fast.
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