Back to independence: anecdotes from everyday life with false fingernails
Long nails are cool. The cheesier, the better. But practical is different. I've been running around with artificial nails again for a while - and failed at many everyday tasks.
My gaze falls on the set of fake "Made-in-China" plastic nails that I have just glued on with a forbiddingly strong glue (industrial glue?). I didn't choose just any monochrome design. No. I went for the model that reaches that certain level of extra that is dangerously close to the borderline of tastelessness - or has probably already crossed it by far in the eyes of many. Lots of rhinestones, small pearls and glitter.
Originally, I only wanted to cover a single nail - to take an insta-picture. Yes, I know what you don't do to yourself for a picture of a mediocre nature. What I didn't reckon on was that I wouldn't be able to get the sparkly thing on my thumb off again straight away (keyword cheap goods: they're not what they used to be). So I did the only logical thing: I also stuck the claws on the remaining nine nails. Which brings us to my predicament: How the hell was I supposed to manage my life now? I don't know how I had managed with my acrylic nails in my younger years, but I had definitely lost the talent to get through everyday life with long nails.
Back to independence
Once I was stuck, there was no turning back. And so I embarked on a three-day journey that took me straight back to independence. Here is a succinct summary of the limits I came up against in my everyday life.
You know your nails are too long when ...
1. ... you waste a whole minute in the loo fastening your trouser button and, for a change, it's not because you've put on a few kilos.
2. ... the only thing you get for free when paying is the amused look on the cashier's face as he watches you desperately try to pick up the coins you've dropped.
3. ... you think twice about whether you would prefer not to insert lenses because, in principle, your eyeballs are very important to you.
4. ... you can't get the lid off your stock when cooking and simply don't eat anything instead. A little joke. I'm not going to go without food.
5. ... you don't wash your hair for seven days in a row because a dry shampoo is easier to use than the cap on your shampoo.
6. ... the ten-finger system no longer works at work and you have to invent a new one to get the letters from the keyboard onto your screen.
7. ... you stay away from your workplace because your fingertip no longer fits on the fingerprint scanner at the entrance.
Can you add to this list thanks to your many years of experience? Then leave a comment, I would be delighted.
At this point, I would like to say that I have learnt something from this experience. But let's be honest: you and I both know that it won't be long before I'm blinded by rhinestones and make the same mistake again. And isn't it all just a matter of habit anyway? Exactly.
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As a massive Disney fan, I see the world through rose-tinted glasses. I worship series from the 90s and consider mermaids a religion. When I’m not dancing in glitter rain, I’m either hanging out at pyjama parties or sitting at my make-up table. P.S. I love you, bacon, garlic and onions.
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