What CR7 will get with his first Juventus salary? A lighter!
Cristiano Ronaldo is said to pocket a net salary of 30 million euro a year at his new club, Juventus Turin. What on earth is he going to do with all that cash? I have a few suggestions for him.
Dear Cristiano, 30 million is an insane amount of money, you know. With this much money, you could buy bucketloads of beautiful things, which you could place on top of bucketloads of beautiful things. You see what I’m getting at.
To make your shopping experience that bit easier, I’ve put together a teeny-weeny shopping list for you. But let’s take a look at your budget first.
CHF 1.11 per second
- Current exchange rate of the euro = CHF 1.1632
- 30 million euro = CHF 34,896,000 / year
- 34,896,000 : 365 days = 95,605.48 / day
- 95,605.48 : 24 hours = 3,983.56 / hour
- 3,983.56 : 60 minutes = 66.39 / minute
- 66.39 : 60 seconds = 1.11 / second
CR7, so you earn CHF 1.11 per second – no matter what you’re doing in that second. You could be kicking a ball; you could be sleeping. Kudos, that’s quite a respectable achievement. And now let’s hit the shops.
Let’s go shopping
First off, you get a lighter. That costs you exactly 5.09 seconds. How's that? 5.65 : 1.11 = 5.09.
Lighters J25 mini
What’s the lighter for? I’ll answer that question straight away.
Real Madrid (T-shirts, L)
Buying a jersey of your former employer costs you a bit more time – 47.30 seconds. Now let’s get back to your question: a lighter, a jersey of your former club, a small fire, Instagram…need I say more?
Another 16.13 seconds later and you’re the proud owner of a map of Turin.
Piedmont - Turin - Valle d'Aosta 150000
However, Galaxus makes you wait on your order for about two weeks or a painful 1,209,600 seconds. In the meantime, just ask for directions.
Once you’ve found your way to the almost brand-new Allianz Stadium with the help of your map or a friendly Italian lady, you’ll need this:
Telstar 18 World Cup Competition
Practice Ball - FIFA approved
You had to «work» a solid 37.84 seconds for this.
But wait, how did you get to the stadium in the first place?
CHF 12 900.–
ECO Car (80km/h)
This snappy ride costs you a whopping 11,621.62 seconds or 3.23 hours. And it sports your new club colours. Cute, isn’t it?
My recommendation for all football pros in this world is the product below, which comes in handy before, after and especially during training. Cristiano, some more good news for you: It only costs you 5.86 seconds. Note the subtle hint to the next city you’ll play football in. They don’t mind buying 40-year-old players. Given you stay in Turin for as long as your four-year contract lasts, that’s until 2022, you’ll only be…let’s see…37. Perfect, you’ll still be fit enough to be in the starting line-up for PSG.
Indestructible (Gel, 150ml)
Paris Saint-Germain? Yes, that’s the club the Brazilian spaghetti guy plays for. You might meet him there. Luckily enough, he also speaks Portuguese. Chances are the two of you get on and decide to do some cooking together. How about spaghetti?
Quality One (High casserole, Casserole/Stewpot, Stainless steel)
Anyone who likes to cook regularly needs different pots, although a few basic shapes have proved their worth for the standard equipment.
You’ll be glad to hear, Cristiano, that this premium cookware set only costs you 217.12 seconds and you both get your money’s worth: You get a delicious dinner and Neymar gets a funny hairstyle.
After a busy day of navigating to the stadium, styling your hair and boiling water, the best way to help your tired muscles recover – according to the latest scientific findings – is by giving them a super-cold treatment. You might already have a cooling chamber, but, as in football, two are better than one, right?
CoolFreeze CFX 40W (38l)
A powerful and uncompromising compressor cooler with special CFX electronics.
Only the best is good enough for you. The queen of cooling boxes is yours after 784.68 seconds. That’s no less than 13.01 minutes. I asked sports fan Michael Restin to put it to the test before I recommended it to you, so I know for a fact that you’ll easily fit into this box – as long as you leave your ego behind. If you don’t, even the queen of cooling boxes is too small.
What’s missing on our shopping list for Cristiano Ronaldo?
How about a game for real tough guys? Come on Cristiano, it only costs you 59.46 seconds of your life. Or 59.46 seconds of lying around on the pitch.
CHF 52.–instead of 66.–1
NHL 18 (Xbox One, DE, EN, FR, IT)
Happy shopping, Cristiano!
P.S. I almost forgot the most important item on your shopping list: Invest 81 seconds and you can choose from a range of letterboxes for all your companies.
Select 39cm Indoor
Cover picture: flickr.com/Tsutomu Takasu
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