Opinion
Eau de parfum: my precious
by Patrick Bardelli
Injure like the pros
24.11.2020
Translation: machine translated
In a Black Friday shopping frenzy? Go ahead and strike, but be careful: your bargains could backfire. These products have been the undoing of famous athletes.
The days around Black Friday are not easy for us editors. Who takes the time to read in-depth treatises on the streaming offer Play Suisse or watch Pia's candle burn while prices plummet left and right? Of course you've smelled a rat and are browsing the suppliers with the black cloud until you burn out.
Maybe you can beat Black Friday at its own game. Trust me: even harmless products can become weapons in the wrong hands. Since life writes the best stories, I'll just write it off. You'll save yourself 60 per cent of Google searches on the topic and benefit from three cheap puns for the price of one. Deal? Deal.
Holy bad luck
There is, for example, the story of the goalie who had one of his most unfortunate actions in the bathroom. At the start of the millennium, Santiago Cañizares was a winner. Regular keeper at Spanish champions Valencia FC and finally in the national team, with whom he was to go to the World Cup in Japan and South Korea in 2002. Someone like that is allowed to indulge himself before he heads to the team dinner in the team hotel, freshly showered and with his pumpkin-red coloured hair tousled. Cañizares has not only pitch with his hairdresser, but, as my colleague Patrick Bardelli, a weakness for good fragrances.
Things get tragic when Cañizares fails in his core competence: holding things in place. The cologne crashes to the ground, the bottle shatters and a shard pierces Santiago's foot. The result: tendon ruptured, World Cup over, national team adé. Something similar happened in the 90s to Dave Beasant, who tried to stop the falling 2-kilo jar of salad dressing with his foot and was out of action for eight weeks. His profession: also a goalkeeper.
Dangerous! [[productlist:9864685]]
Santiago Cañizares' bad luck was young San Iker's good fortune. Iker Casillas, just 20 years old at the time, took over and only retired after 167 caps, two European titles and one World Cup. If I ever witnessed the start of a world career, it was his. Champions League Final 2002, Hampden Park in Glasgow. Me in the corner, him on the bench. Until the 68th minute, when Real's number 1, César Sánchez, was injured on the pitch in the old-fashioned way and Casillas replaced him. The young Iker saves the win for the Whites and keeps everything out. Well, there's no eau de cologne. Instead, Zinedine Zidane leaves an inimitable scent mark with his winning goal. While the 20-year-old Casillas wins the Champions League for the second time, my 21-year-old self has completely different problems in Scotland.
Not good news when you're facing a 14-hour bus journey, but certainly good for your health. Alcohol has ruined the careers of many athletes and amateur footballers. It has also played havoc with many a star's moment of success. Lindsey Vonn cut her thumb tendon on a bottle of champagne at the 2009 World Championships in Val d'Isere and Finland's football star Jari Litmanen fell victim to a cork ricochet: it hit him in the eye, resulting in a long break. Let's hope he didn't spend it in front of the TV in line with the motto "you can see better with the second one".
Fingers off! [[productlist:14159985]]
TV = totally injured
It gets even more stupid. While Cañizares stumbled in his honourable attempt to wrap his body in fragrance, and champagne bottles are made of glass, a whole armada of footballers fell victim to the TV. After work, the stars lounge on the sofa like you and me and consider even two steps to the side table an imposition. When the remote control is out of reach, they fish and fish until their cartilage cracks. Then it's red alert. Robbie Keane damaged his knee trying to pick up the zapper.
Source: Michael Kranewitter, Wikimedia Commons, CC-by-sa 4.0
Caution! [[productlist:2478713]]
About fishing: Cult keeper David Seaman not only managed to injure his shoulder while fighting a monster carp, he also pulled a muscle while reaching for the remote control. Other prominent television victims include Rio Ferdinand (knee), Carlo Cudicini (knee), Peter Nielsen (dislocated shoulder) and David "Calamity James" James (back). My diagnosis: unprofessional. After a look at the book Sofayoga, this wouldn't have happened. Anyone who masters positions such as "crane" and "extremely lazy dog" has nothing to fear. [[image:39936513]]
Up to second base
Goalies are a conspicuously frequent addition to the list of curious injuries. And I haven't even mentioned Kasey Keller yet. A predecessor of Yann Sommer in goal for Borussia Mönchengladbach, who took his golf clubs out of the boot with such vigour that he subsequently had a few less incisors. A classic own goal by the American. Afterwards, Keller would probably have liked to bite his own arse in anger. Baseball player Clarence "Climax" Blethen proved in the 1930s that it is also possible to be toothless. The pitcher took out his prosthesis during games and stowed it in his back pocket. When he slid towards second base one day, the teeth snapped mercilessly, leaving a bleeding wound on the hero's backside.
Ouch cheek! [[productlist:10656141]]
No, footballers don't have exclusive rights to stupid injuries. At the turn of the millennium, the baseball business found a worthy successor to "Climax" Blethen in Brian Anderson. He left nothing to be desired on the (bum) cheeks, but further up. The pitcher not only managed to cut himself on a perfume bottle, but also made one of the most curious sports headlines after he managed to burn his face with an iron. How? Silly question: to test whether it was already hot, he held it next to his cheek - and spontaneously turned his head when the excited commentary on TV promised a hot game scene. Perhaps he should have a chat with the footballer Michael Stensgaard, who had to end his career after trying to fold an ironing board. A goalie. That was obvious. Tragically, he can no longer make up for this mistake.
Nothing for facial wrinkles! [[productlist:13752334,640455]]
Egg caramba!
There are reasons that microwaves and other household appliances come with pages and pages of warnings. Actually, Scottish defender Kirk Broadfoot didn't want to burn anything, he just wanted to boil an egg quickly. The hungry defender realised that the microwave was not the right appliance for the job when the turbo-heated chicken product exploded in his face. Ouch. I feel for him, even though the idea was certainly not the best of ideas. As soon as the burn has been treated and covered with make-up, it'll be worth going to the microwave again though.
Drill Instructor
There's nothing like household tips and tricks, or life hacks, as everyone under 30 says. No such hacks for striker Darius Vassell, who decided to lance the blood blister on his toe with a drill. He decided not to use a dowel, but the subsequent blood poisoning still put him out of action.
Free for walls, but doctors have objections: [[productlist:5887647]]
Don't take it lightly!
Richard Wright (Goalie!) not only managed to injure his shoulder while stowing his suitcase. He also overrode a warning sign in the turf and, well, the sign bounced back. Broken ankle.
Dangers lurk everywhere. When the postman rings with your Galaxus parcel after Black Friday, think of the unfortunate Leon Andreasen. Just as violently as sports reporters failed to pronounce his name correctly, he once failed with his parcel and badly slashed his hand. A black day for him, a warning for you. Stay healthy!
Michael Restin
Senior Editor
Michael.Restin@digitecgalaxus.chSimple writer and dad of two who likes to be on the move, wading through everyday family life. Juggling several balls, I'll occasionally drop one. It could be a ball, or a remark. Or both.
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