Species you see at the gym
Is your New Year’s resolution to work out more? Congratulations on your excellent decision. But before you get that gym membership, find out what you’re in for. After all, those gymgoers are a colourful bunch.
Preferred habitat: The dumbell area, multigyms
This species is recognisable by hands that are glued to dumbbells and a painfully wide-cut tank top. The hulk’s workout goes on for something like five hours and he seems to be there whenever you are. Maybe he’s secretly moved in? You’d be forgiven for thinking this beast is pumping iron to impress the ladies. But far from it. He’s way too into his own reflection to notice them. And in case you were wondering – his female counterpart is the equally ambitious hulka.
CHF 329.–instead of 598.–1
Hantel (1x, 5 - 40 kg)
Preferred habitat: The bar table next to the reception
Similar to the beefcake, this type spends the majority of his free time at the gym. However, the gawker is far more interested in the female gymgoers (see “Gym Beauty” below) than in his workout. He is most commonly spotted at the protein shake bar where he can go about scanning the area undisturbed and work on his flirting skills.
Multi Protein CFF (Chocolate, 425g)
Preferred habitat: The leg press, rowing machine, bike trainer
You were planning on building your adductor/abductor muscles? Well forget it. All leg press machines have been invaded by the chatterbox. They commonly move in pairs (this is team sport after all) and notoriously occupy any weight machines you can sit on. Their workout is very extensive yet incredibly ineffective. By contrast, they are up to date about everyone and everything.
The Gym Beauty
Preferred habitat: The treadmill, the stretching corner
Fake lashes, pierced nails and a «natural» year-round tan: The gym beauty has taken one of the Kardashian sisters as an example. She does not remove her make up before working out. And why would she? After all, there’s zero sweating involved. Her performance on the stepper – where her booty truly comes into its own – mainly enthrals the gawkers. It is not uncommon for gym romances to develop. These are meticulously documented by means of selfies (including beauty filters). You’ll find the evidence on your Instagram feed thanks to original hashtags such as #relationshipgoals, #fitcouple or #strongertogether.
Fitnessmatte NBR (15mm)
The dimensions of this fitness mat are 185 x 60 x 1.5. It offers maximum comfort, is perfect for home use or for your workout at the gym. Includes a carrying bag.
Preferred habitat: The exercise bike
Usually clutching a book or magazine, this species can often be spotted sauntering towards an endurance machine. The unmotivated type’s hangout of choice is the exercise bike. Unnoticed by himself, his legs become slower during the course of his workout. This is due to the fact that the treading motion impairs his reading fluency.
Preferred habitat: The changing room
The shameless are at their most comfortable in the changing room environment: This is where they go on and on about their children, their workout or recent amorous escapades – preferably au naturel. They blow-dry their hair stark naked which in turn causes embarrassment amongst the other gym members. The shameless species include particularly brazen individuals who shave all their body hair in the communal showers.
CHF 2.80instead of 3.951
Satin Care für empfindliche Haut (200ml)
Preferred habitat: No preference
When you come across an individual all alone in close proximity to an otherwise very popular endurance appliance, it can only be the following species: the stinker. He didn’t sweat much during that last workout and thought he could get away with wearing his gym gear a second time round. Firmly convinced that his deodorant would go the extra mile. The stinker is easily detected by the smell of his unwashed clothes: His garlic-based diet gives him away with every perspiration.
CHF 2.80instead of 3.951
Invisible Aqua Compressed (Spray, 75ml)
Preferred habitat: The sofa
This type of athlete makes an appearance just once a year. On 2 January, this species turns up at the gym in full workout gear, motivated to the hilt and delivers an impressive two-hour workout session, only never to be seen again.
Spotted any other gym types? Let us know in the comments.
These articles might also interest you
Meine Top 4 Krimi- und Thriller-Autoren
Endless summer chocolates – We’ve got the products; you’ve got the life!
The BBQ party – We’ve got the products; you’ve got the life!