Just don't send the wrong signals!

Spektrum der Wissenschaft

7.2.2026

Translation: machine translated

Many men like to go on dates to play sports or computer games. Not just because it suits their own preferences - but because these activities seem completely unromantic to them.

In male friendships, typical couple activities are more frowned upon than among female friends. This was the result of a series of experiments involving more than 3,000 adults in the USA, the UK and Singapore. The researchers see this as an indication of homophobia: «Men avoid experiences with romantic connotations for fear of being perceived as gay», write Sherrie Xue, Stephanie Lin and Christilene du Plessis, three economists from Singapore, in the specialist journal «Psychological Science».

In the first study, (mostly heterosexual) men and women were presented with ten different activities, such as going to the cinema or museum, eating together, hiking or kayaking. How likely would they be to suggest this activity to a friend of the same sex or accept an invitation from this person? And how typical of a romantic date would they categorise the activity in question?

Men were more likely than women to avoid doing something with same-sex friends that would be typical of a date - even if the romantic association was not strong. Their main concern was not to invite themselves. But they were also more likely to decline such invitations than women. When it came to spending time with friends of the opposite sex, however, the men's responses did not differ significantly from those of the women.

The researchers observed similar findings in a field experiment in Singapore. They invited groups of two men of the same sex to a campus for a free drink, whereby the test subjects could always choose between green tea or two small bottles of mineral water. 62 per cent of the men opted for green tea when there was also a small bottle for everyone. However, only 28 per cent preferred a large bottle of green tea to bottles of mineral water. More than half of those who would have preferred to drink green tea would have given it up if they had to share a large bottle. Among women, this only applied to one in four: 49 per cent opted for two small bottles of green tea and 39 per cent for one large bottle.

Male friendships suffer from homophobia

Even more surprising were the results of an experiment in which the test subjects could choose between two options: Would they rather watch a short film alone for a fee of $10 - or watch the same film together with a person of the same sex for $20? When it came to the romantic film «The Notebook», 69 per cent of women chose the better-paid joint option, but only 43 per cent of men. When it came to a sports documentary, on the other hand, men and women made similar decisions. Another sub-study showed that US men would even prefer to watch a «feminine» film such as «Barbie» together with another man than a romantic film such as «The Notebook».

The results were also valid if only heterosexual participants were included in the analyses. The number of homosexual and bisexual test subjects was usually too small to analyse this subsample separately. A follow-up study also revealed that homosexual and heterosexual men were concerned that romantic activity by a person of the same sex could be misinterpreted as an approach.

The researchers conclude that men do not want to appear gay or send the wrong signals - this is even more important to them than appearing unmanly. Social expectations contribute to this, they write. This «implicit homophobia» not only restricts men in their endeavours: Their friendships would also suffer.

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