Opinion

«I’d sooner die of thirst than drink capsule coffee!»

Simon Balissat
9.11.2023
Translation: Eva Francis
Pictures: Stephan Lütolf

Coffee’s more than just a hobby for me. Some say it’s a passion – others call it an obsession. Today, I’ll give it to you straight – in the first episode of the new series «You call that a hobby?!».

It was a gradual process. Over ten years ago, I bought an electric coffee grinder on the online secondhand shop Ricardo. A birthday present to myself. The Gaggia MDF ground fresh coffee for my Bialetti.
I got plenty of compliments for the quality of my cuppas from friends I had over for afternoon coffee? Grinding your own coffee is a game changer, and I recommend everyone to do so – including my colleague Patrick Bardelli, who swears by his Bialetti with pre-ground coffee.

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In the following years, I went to great lengths to impress my guests, working with more and more exquisite preparation methods and more and more unusual gadgets. Today, my snobbery knows no boundaries. If my coffee actually tastes like coffee, I’ll spit it out in disgust. The mere smell of capsule coffee makes my stomach turn. I want to taste ripe stone fruits, jasmine tea or tomatoes, not machine oil, undergrowth and tyre rubber! Of course, the trivial combination of Gaggia MDF and a Bialetti isn’t good enough to extract all these flavours from my precious coffee beans.

Cartoon for coffee nerds
Cartoon for coffee nerds
Source: Stephan Lütolf

As an upmarket coffee aficionado, I know, of course, that espresso is a quick pick-me-up in the morning. History fun fact: because it took a resourceful bar owner in Italy too long to pour filter coffee in the morning, he invented a coffee machine that works with pressure, allowing him to serve his morning customers faster. The espresso was born.

Back to basics: only filter coffee is real coffee. And so, I needed to get a single-dose grinder that allowed me to grind the beans individually in perfectly weighed portions. And by perfectly, I mean down to the gramme Not just any grinder, but the mother of all single-dose grinders – the Niche Zero, which isn’t available at Galaxus. Where would we end up if a popular online shop offered such a high-end product?

The general public’s welcome to buy from Eureka.

All jokes aside, Niche only sells its devices via its own website. That’s why the grinder isn’t available at Galaxus or any other online shop. I ordered it directly from Niche.

When it comes to filters, I only use Hario and «Made in Japan» filter paper. As every coffee snob knows, the paper sold in Switzerland and produced in the Netherlands is of inferior quality. So I asked a friend to squeeze ten packs of Japanese filter paper into her suitcase when she came back from a trip to Japan. That was before the pandemic. I’m still sitting on eight packs of them like Scrooge McDuck on his gold coins.

What’s next?

A bottomless portafilter is already on my wish list. Having said that, I might replace the whole portafilter machine soon. I have my eye on the Linea Micra from La Marzocco. Or maybe the Decent that’s equipped with a tablet to control the pressure profile and temperature?

Either way, I’ll be ascending into spheres mere mortals are denied access to. I’m attempting to reach coffee Nirvana. But where are my fellow enlightened ones? Nobody’s stopped by for coffee in a long time.

In the series «You call that a hobby?!», we showcase the absurdity of passion – in collaboration with cartoonist Stephan Lütolf.

My current portafilter setup

My current filter coffee setup

Hario V60 Insulated stainless steel jug (0.55 l)
Thermos jugs
CHF72.90

Hario V60 Insulated stainless steel jug

0.55 l

Hario V60 Insulated stainless steel jug (0.55 l)
CHF72.90

Hario V60 Insulated stainless steel jug

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When I flew the family nest over 15 years ago, I suddenly had to cook for myself. But it wasn’t long until this necessity became a virtue. Today, rattling those pots and pans is a fundamental part of my life. I’m a true foodie and devour everything from junk food to star-awarded cuisine. Literally. I eat way too fast. 


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