Opinion
Table sets that tickle your taste buds
by Pia Seidel
7 alternatives to «reserved» signs
12.12.2023
Translation: Katherine Martin
Reserved signs in restaurants look the same almost everywhere. But why? And is every table with a sign really taken? Not only do I have the answers, but I’ve also found seven potential alternatives.
They’re the restaurant table equivalent of bouncers. Whenever I walk into a pub feeling ravenous, they eye me up from the tabletops, silently and motionlessly marking their territory. It’s as if the word on the signs is smirking at me: «Réservé. Get lost!»
Reserved signs fill me with dread. In a lot of places, they look identical: stern, black lettering on pallid metal, and mostly written in French, even in German-speaking Switzerland. Sometimes, there are more signs than guests, which begs the question: are all these tables really reserved? What’s the deal with all this?
Fine, that all makes perfect sense. Even so, I’d like to see some more imagination and variety in the way restaurants indicate which tables are reserved. Here are seven (almost) serious suggestions for restaurants:
1. Beware of the customer
How about using a reserved sign marked «Guard on duty» illustrated with a picture of a hangry customer? You can already get similar varieties emblazoned with snarling dogs. It wouldn’t take much to change «Beware of the dog» to «Beware of the customer». And it’d certainly keep other patrons at bay.
2. The date
If a table’s reserved for a couple on a date, there’s bound to be a lot of sweet talk going on. But in case one of the pair turns out to be a slimeball, it might be worth signalling the danger of slipping into their clutches.
3. The ex
Perhaps the couple have already broken up and come to the restaurant to lay it all out on the table, so to speak. Nobody can predict just how explosive the atmosphere could become, so it’s only fair to pop an «Ex» warning sign on the table they’ve reserved.
4. The biohazard
Have any diners ordered the lentil stew with garlic bread? If so, it’d be worth placing a biohazard sign on their table as a safety precaution. It’ll cause would-be guests on the lookout for a table to vanish like farts in the wind.
5. The virus warning
During flu season, the table in the far corner should stay reserved for diners who come coughing and spluttering their way through the door. This infection risk warning sign should do just the trick.
6. The crime scene
Are any of the customers staging a murder mystery dinner? If so, it’d be a good idea to fence off the table they’ve reserved with crime scene tape. A few red wine stains on the tablecloth would be perfect for recreating a bloody scene too.
7. The mother-in-law
If a big family dinner with the in-laws is on the cards, arguments are never far away. To properly mark the party’s table and give other diners advance warning, a sign might be in order that reads, «Caution, mother-in-law on the loose. If she approaches, get on the floor and wait for assistance».
Have you got any bright ideas on how restaurants could mark reserved tables?
Header image: Shutterstock/Anikin Dmitrii
Darina Schweizer
Senior Editor
Darina.Schweizer@digitecgalaxus.chI love anything with four legs or roots - especially my shelter cats Jasper and Joy and my collection of succulents. My favourite things to do are stalking around with police dogs and cat coiffeurs on reportages or letting sensitive stories flourish in garden brockis and Japanese gardens.
Cooking
Follow topics and stay updated on your areas of interest
Food
Follow topics and stay updated on your areas of interest
Opinion
This is a subjective opinion of the editorial team. It doesn't necessarily reflect the position of the company.
Show all
