Red Bull, Monster or Mate: what your favourite energy drink says about you
9.6.2024
Pictures: lütolf
Translation: Jessica Johnson-Ferguson
Ever since Red Bull started its soaring success in the late 90s, the market’s been flooded with energy drinks. Every subculture seems to have its own pick-me-up potion. Time to take a closer look.
«They put bull balls in that, that’s why it’s banned in Switzerland!» This myth about Red Bull was everywhere on school playgrounds in the early 1990s. So going on holiday to Austria no longer just involved parents smuggling back crates of wine and meat, but also youngsters shifting slim silver cans across the border to sell to pubescent customers at a profit. Since Red Bull entered the Swiss market in 1994, hundreds of producers have been trying to court customers in need of energy. Anyone remember Flying Horse?
Today, energy drinks are far more than Red Bull rip-offs. These days, there’s a powerful potion for every occasion. Cartoonist Stephan Lütolf helped me categorise the main types of energy drinks.
Pure nostalgia: Coca-Cola
Red what? Cola is life! However, there are some solid sub-categories. While some people swear by the original, others call it «the black blood of imperialism» and prefer Vivi Cola or Afri-Cola, for example. The second spring these brands are experiencing is fuelled by retro nostalgia and anti-consumerist attitudes. The fact that cola usually doesn’t contain as much caffeine as energy drinks doesn’t bother you. After all, you’ve turned into a bit of a light sleeper and have developed age-related insomnia in recent years. You refer to energy drinks as «gummy bear juice» and like to share the fun fact that cola used to «contain cocaine», which is why it’s called «coca» cola.
Hip disco juice for the broken-hearted: Mate
Ever since you travelled Argentina on your gap year, you can’t get enough of the boosting brew. But meanwhile, you draw the line at the unhygienic wooden mate mug that’s used over and over again for weeks to re-infuse the tea. C’mon, you’re not a hippie any more. So it’s great news that, ten years later, the drink’s been given a lemonade twist and is available everywhere. When you’re at a club, you like to mix it with vodka. Let’s not forget that you were already telling newbies ten years ago how to take that first sip to fit the vodka shot in the bottle. Man, Mate’s so much more than an energy drink – it’s a way of life! What you’ve also known since day one is that Club Mate’s nothing to do with the English word mate. As you’re working your boring job in accounting, every sip reminds you how your heart was broken in that hostel in Mendoza. People are masochists.
Pubescent victims of consumerism: Gönrgy
You’re just eleven years old and can already name the ten most important investment funds. No wonder, you’ve been watching YouTube your whole life. German streamer MontanaBlack, or Monte for short, is your biggest idol and Gönrgy your go-to drink. The controversial YouTuber is totally up your street. «G steht for Gönnen» (g stands for indulge) is what it says on the can. Monte would probably reword that to «c stands for cash».
Nerd power for gaming nights: Monster Energy
Monster Energy would like to gain a foothold in the extreme sports segment, but you’re living proof that the majority of its consumers aren’t interested in physical activity. In fact, gamers in particular are attracted by the neon green M. The RGB lighting on your PC is all that gives your pale face a touch of colour, and your neck beard’s completely grown out of control. Pizza boxes from past great deeds are piled up in the background and there’s the sound of a rustling crisp packet and the monotonous clicking of a keyboard. The air’s filled with a sweet smell of decay; the smell of Monster Energy mixed with the body odour of a someone who hasn’t showered for a week. «What. How is it Friday again?», you think to yourself. I must admit, I can really relate to this person.
For fitness freaks and muscle maniacs: Nocco
Nocco’s short for No Carbs Company, which means the target group’s already clearly defined. If carbs are your nemesis, your diet primarily consists of chicken breasts and cottage cheese and you prefer reps to raps, you’ve probably heard of Nocco. Caffeine, vitamins, amino acids and no sugar. That’s what it says on the can. They all taste equally disgusting.
For traditionalists: Red Bull
A bread roll for breakfast? You don’t need that kind of stuff. Your breakfast consists of Red Bull and a cig. It seems, time has stood still for you since your late teens. Well, not quite. Now you’re the one bothering others on your commute. With your bad breath, which is a mix of stale gummy bears and a damp ashtray. The Red Bull probably takes you back to a carefree, happy time when you could party and wake up without a hangover. Fair do’s. As long as you keep your distance from me in the morning.
Soft drinks
Quantity discount
CHF11.20 per piece for 2 units CHF7.47/1l
Red Bull Energy Drink
6 x 25 cl
Soft drinks
Quantity discount
CHF11.20 per piece for 2 units CHF11.20/1l
Red Bull Energy Drink Sugarfree
6 x 25 cl
Header image: Stephan Lütolf
Simon Balissat
Teamleader Editorial
Simon.Balissat@digitecgalaxus.chWhen I flew the family nest over 15 years ago, I suddenly had to cook for myself. But it wasn’t long until this necessity became a virtue. Today, rattling those pots and pans is a fundamental part of my life. I’m a true foodie and devour everything from junk food to star-awarded cuisine. Literally. I eat way too fast.
Food
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