Opinion
Things I wish I’d known before getting cats
by Darina Schweizer
Amazingly similar: these are 10 green doppelgangers of your office colleagues
2.5.2024
Translation: machine translated
I'm sure you know them too: the somewhat prickly or over-sprouting work colleagues. Here are ten characters that I have recognised in houseplants.
It's a pity that such twin pairs don't also exist with houseplants and people. I have noticed some amazing similarities between employees and office plants, especially in open-plan offices. So here is my selection of ten green office types:
1. the patron
His head is grey, his will to innovate has petered out. The ageing company founder is convinced that his company will continue to flourish without new offshoots. He is not open to the suggestions of the newcomers. After all, that could mean change. And there's always something wrong with that.
2. the newshungry
She has her feelers out in all directions 24/7. No office gossip, no headline, no new trend escapes her attention. How does she keep track of everything? No idea. Somehow, like her green doppelganger, the UFO plant, she seems to be floating in another sphere. If only it doesn't lose its grip on the ground.
3. the gym junkie
If the gym junkie is proud of anything, it's his muscles. He likes to flex his bulging upper arms "inconspicuously" to impress his office colleagues. However, very few people consider him to be a real stud.
4. the minimalist
There is only one place where the minimalist goes full throttle: on her ten daily smoke breaks. During her employees' breaks, she puts in as little effort as possible and prefers to "keep busy" with official Mikado (who moves first?). As soon as an extra effort is required, the Hartstenglige behaves unwieldily. Unless there is an extra portion of plant fertiliser from the boss.
5. the incomprehensible
Not even the dirty office kitchen is as oily as his sheets. The slick work colleague is elusive. As soon as you ask him about his weekend or private life, he skilfully wriggles out of it and changes the topic. Everyone in the office is certain: if anyone has a skeleton in the closet, it's him.
6. the extravagant
The extravagant one is the eye-catcher in the office. She likes to wear ostentatious jewellery in bright colours. She never misses an opportunity to put herself in the spotlight lamplight. No one knows for sure whether there is juice or just hot air behind her colourful exterior.
7. the top dog
The top dog must always trumpet his achievements loudly. In order to rise in the company, he has no regard for losses. He overgrows all employees competitors unhindered. Hopefully someone will make it clear to the wild growth that he is not Harry Hirsch.
8. the good-natured one
She can't hurt a gnat. The good-natured one touches every plant in the company with velvet leaves. This costs her so much energy that she has to regularly recharge her chlorophyll batteries in the sun. Sometimes you wish she would let out the Crassula tarantula, which is the Latin name for her doppelganger.
9. the slob
Wait, where's the light again? Above or below? Has it already formed a leaf here? Or was it last month? The slob often gets stuck somewhere in his thoughts. But that's no reason to bury your head in the sand. Although he is often disorientated, he is flexible. So he grows around every obstacle - until he gets stuck again.
10. the flawless one
The Flawless One is life in bloom. Not a speck of leaf tarnishes her smooth, radiant skin. She is truly beautiful and is admired throughout the company. Nevertheless, you keep asking yourself a little enviously: is everything about her really real?
Which plant types do you recognise in your office pals? Tell the Galaxus community and me in a comment.
Header image: Ramon Schneider
Darina Schweizer
Senior Editor
Darina.Schweizer@digitecgalaxus.chI love anything with four legs or roots - especially my shelter cats Jasper and Joy and my collection of succulents. My favourite things to do are stalking around with police dogs and cat coiffeurs on reportages or letting sensitive stories flourish in garden brockis and Japanese gardens.
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