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12 things you shouldn’t do if you want to keep your job

Surfing the web during working hours, taking excessively long lunch breaks or turning up at work a little tipsy now and then. These are all things you will probably get away with once in a while without being fired. Admittedly, going to work drunk is probably a stupid idea – I would very much advise you not to do that. But when it comes to overstepping the line, the following 12 people really pushed their luck and lost their job in return.

I found some of the these stories online and a few were told by a handful of brave friends and colleagues.

1. The olive thief

“I was working at a restaurant and serving a meal to one of our guests when two olives rolled off the plate. I caught them mid-air and ate them. Neither the guest nor the boss were particularly impressed with my Ninja move.”

2. The actor

“Working at a call center was mind-numbingly boring. To pass the time a little faster, I would put on different accents when speaking to customers. And yes, it’s true, superiors really do carry out spot checks.”

3. The munchies

“I used to work at a burger joint. During one evening shift, I was totally stoned and had the munchies, so I ate all the fries.”

4. Little Miss responsable

"While babysitting, I once finished off all the beer that was in the fridge. The parents were not amused."

5. The snorer

"A couple of times I was caught sleeping in the toilets. My snoring could be heard through the door."

6. G & T

"I used to work at a bar. Two guests from a bigger party asked my workmate for a G&T each. While he was working away, I served them the gins and then asked the group who had ordered the Schweppes. That night I learned that Schweppes = Tonic. My boss later deadpanned that he was confident I had talents in other areas.”

7. The scrounger

"For months on end I had been stealing my colleagues’ food out of the fridge. One fine day I was busted."

8. The malingerer

"I pulled a sickie to go to and see Beyoncé live. Guess who was sitting right next to me at the concert? That’s right. My boss."

9. Antisocial behaviour

"I hated my job at Mc Donald’s. My co-workers were incredibly irritating. One day I called one of them “Mc Bitch”. I thought it was hilarious but my boss did not."

10. The festival-goer

"My boss had left me a message to call him back while I was at a festival – totally wasted, if I might add. He had switched his phone off and I was put through to voice mail without realizing. The 5-minute long “conversation” went a little something like this: “Urs, can you hear me?!” and "Your connection is really, really bad!"

11. The girlfriend

"It was very important to my boss for us to start work at 7 a.m. A two to three-minute delay could potentially ruin your whole day. One morning, I was running late and still on my way to work at 07:05. Of course, my boss called me and was ready to rant. I told him I had spent the night at my girlfriend’s. Surprisingly, it turned out that he rated sex higher than work. Therefore, he had absolutely no problem with my tardiness. (But what I had meant to say was that travelling to work from elsewhere had actually taken a little longer than expected. Honest!)."

12. The Momma

"I once sent a bit of a special reminder to a client. For my own amusement, I had written “Your Momma” in the document’s salutation field. Unfortunately, I forgot to change it before printing it off. The letter that was sent out therefore read "Dear Your Momma". The Client never noticed. My boss did."

What shenanigans have you got up to at work? Thanks for sharing your stories in the comments field!

Feel free to send us your job application.

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I love black humour, my small collection of jackets, Red Bull, furniture, lie-ins, British accents, dogs, laughing until I cry, Polaroid cameras, full ice-hockey stadiums and that moment when the red lamp lights up behind the right goal. Singing songs loudly and out of tune (and busting some matching moves) is also something I enjoy – as is strumming around on my guitar. 

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