10 January is Recorder Day - everything you need to know about the wooden whistle
10.1.2018
Translation: machine translated
An instrument that shaped my childhood. An ordeal for all parents with children of kindergarten age. A spittoon for the untalented. And also a tool for professional musicians. You can find all the facts and figures about the panpipe's best friend here.
When I hear just a single note of this wooden tormentor, my worst childhood memories come flooding back. I know that my parents feel the same if I were to ask them - now that I'm out of the recorder age, they can speak openly and honestly. And then there are all the damp floors that kindergarten teachers all over Switzerland had to mop after recorder lessons. It's almost a miracle that there are actually masochists who come out as professional recorder players. And yet: the recorder is still on everyone's lips.
Wikiflötia
"The recorder is a woodwind instrument that belongs to the group of longitudinal flutes. To produce sound, its head contains a wooden block that leaves only a narrow gap (core gap) free. Because of the shape of its mouthpiece (in the most common, smaller types), it is classed as a beak flute." I have nothing more to add to this.
The carrot flute
Even vegetables have been raped into being a recorder. As if the orange things didn't already have enough trouble being loved by children! If I have to carve something out of a stupid turnip, it's a piece of meat. #chindergarte #toughlife
The chamber of horrors
Nope, this is not a Harry Potter novel, but a child's bedroom. Or the living room at Christmas. Or the parents' bedroom at the weekend. In fact, any closed room in which the recorder is played without permission. "Our son would like to play something for you on his recorder." After that, we had far fewer visitors at home. Just why?
Deaf parents
I can finally talk about it. For a very long time, I resisted the flashbacks and kept everything to myself. But now it's time to give free rein to my feelings: I am sorry, dear parents, neighbours and relatives. I understand your pain and forgive you. All the lies about my flute playing being beautiful and that I should play an encore. Only now do I realise how much the fib must have tormented you. Sorry!
From another star
After exactly 2.53 seconds, I had to stop the video. I'm probably not as far along as I thought I was. For health and safety reasons, I don't want to write any more here. By the way, girls: the four likeable guys in the video are all still available.
An army of evil
What a recorder alone can do to you... Cruel. Horrible. Imagine what would happen if it appeared in a group, this wooden witch. It's hard to imagine the damage it could do in the wrong hands. I've attached a photo from the distant future to prove it. You see it too, don't you? If looks could kill.
Let's flute and roll
Julian Assange's neighbours also say: "Recorders are usually in three parts and consist of a headjoint, middle joint and footjoint. Sopranino, soprano and alto recorders are also made in two parts, with the centre and foot joint being made in one piece. The Garklein recorder is usually made in one piece." After the first quote, I sat there in silence and nodded, but this time I had to raise my voice. The Garklein recorder? WTF! Rather: the GarKEIN recorder.
Galaxus for the pompous
We wouldn't be Galaxus if we didn't have a solution for this problem too. Marketing slang: ON. "You'll find the right recorder for you in our huge range. Browse through the various models and choose your favourite." Marketing slang: OFF. Don't you dare actually buy one of these crap things. Then God be with you. It's not written on all flute packaging for nothing: No liability is accepted for any consequential damage resulting from improper or inappropriate handling.
Raphael Knecht
Senior Editor
raphael.knecht@digitecgalaxus.chWhen I'm not stuffing my face with sweets, you'll catch me running around in the gym hall. I’m a passionate floorball player and coach. On rainy days, I tinker with my homebuilt PCs, robots or other gadgets. Music is always my trusted companion. I also enjoy tackling hilly terrain on my road bike and criss-crossing the country on my cross-country skis.
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