Don’t believe everything you think: how to overcome negative core beliefs
28.6.2023
Translation: Katherine Martin
Core beliefs are a distorted perception of reality – and have little to do with who you are today. But is it possible to rid yourself of these childhood-rooted psychological scripts?
Are you «normally disturbed»? If so, your brain most likely gives you daily opportunities to think badly of yourself. It tells you that you’re not welcome, not good enough, and on particularly dark days, it even says you’re a burden to the people around you. Underpinning all this is a framework of core beliefs that you’ve learned, internalised and reproduced throughout your life.
Everybody has their own set of negative beliefs. Psychologist and core belief expert Katja Herz affectionately calls people with negative core beliefs «normally disturbed», a term coined by Stefanie Stahl, author of the bestseller The Child in You.
That «normality» rings true; unwaveringly thinking the best of yourself at all times would be just as illusory as constant negativity – and almost pathological in itself.
Like Katja Herz, Andrea Zellinger (website in German) helps her clients tackle harmful beliefs and escape the spiral of negative thoughts. The two experts explain how negative core beliefs arise and how you can overcome them. To be honest, doing so is no easy feat.
Core beliefs: the lens through which we see the world
Core beliefs are deep-seated, unconscious beliefs you have about yourself and the world. In the neurological sense, these are networks of thoughts, emotions, and memories in your brain. Metaphorically speaking, core beliefs form the lens through which you see the world. A (more or less) distorted perception of reality, which usually has very little bearing on who you really are.
This is because core beliefs are formed during a very vulnerable time – the first years of your life. The human brain isn’t fully developed at birth. Neural networks and connections are formed in the first few years of life, making you particularly impressionable during this time.
Herz explains: «Early bonds with our first attachment figures create the sense of 'I’m welcome' or 'I’m too much'. Core beliefs form based on how supported a child feels in the world.»
Herz says that growing up as a child with permanently stressed parents can be enough to develop a core belief that you’re «too much». She goes on to give an example from her work: «As a child, I may have needed to be sweet and well-behaved so that I wouldn’t be a burden to my mother. Today, as an adult woman, this isn’t a good strategy anymore. What I need to be able to do today is assert myself, set boundaries and say no.»
Protective strategies: how do harmful core beliefs present themselves?
Strategies like the childhood one described above, known as «protective strategies» are as old as the core belief itself. You developed them to protect yourself from the stress and negative emotions the core belief triggers inside you. To avoid the feeling of «I’m not welcome», for example, you may develop protective strategies to help you fit in.
«A person like this would then be especially nice to people, focus intently on the needs of others and pay more attention to others than to themselves,» Herz explains. This protective strategy gets problematic when you lose touch with yourself. Katja Herz says: «People like this aren’t in tune with themselves and their needs. Often, they bend to the needs of others for so long that they become exhausted and withdrawn, or suddenly explode in anger.»
Studies also show that negative beliefs leave their mark on your mental health. A study exploring the link between irrational beliefs and mental health in university students demonstrated that negative core beliefs promote the development of conditions such as depression and anxiety disorders.
Another study, published in the Journal of Diabetes & Metabolic Disorders, goes even further, concluding that negative core beliefs are associated not only with mental stress, but also with oxidative stress and increased levels of inflammation. As a result, they might have physical effects as well. Put in the most dramatic sense, negative thoughts could depress you to the point of diabetes.
The first step out of the vicious circle: recognising the negative belief
Protective strategies shield you from negative emotions and thoughts. Consequently, ditching them entirely is a sensitive issue. «There are reasons for the psyche to not want to change,» Herz says. «Protection strategies keep us safe. That’s why they’re so powerful.» The fears these strategies are shielding you from can be quite existential. The fear of being abandoned, for example, can lead to terror and panic.
Experiences of abandonment trigger a primal fear and may manifest, for example, in the belief that «I’m not good enough.» The reason why is tragic: «A child would rather believe that they’re not good enough than believe their parents aren’t good enough. The latter would be far too dangerous.»
The first step out of the vicious circle, Herz says, is recognising the negative core belief and assessing it differently as an adult. Unlike when you were a child, as an adult, you can look objectively at the belief and realise that being abandoned is something you survive.
Reformulate core beliefs: make them conscious, write them down
«Recognition is the first step,» says Zellinger. «After that, it’s important to consciously listen to yourself think.» She recommends spending five minutes writing down everything you think. Like with writing therapy, this allows you to look at your thoughts from an outside perspective and identify harmful beliefs more easily.
To then tackle them, Katja Herz works with the «catch yourself and switch» method developed by psychologist, author and podcaster Stefanie Stahl. Katja Herz explains: «Once I’m aware of my core beliefs, I’ll notice which situations activate them and trigger distress. I can catch myself thinking negative thoughts and then actively counteract them with an alternative set of beliefs.»
That being said, finding alternatives isn’t that easy. The way the belief is formulated has to be tailored to you specifically, and not be a vision for the future. «It has to be a statement that feels just as true now, today,» says Herz. If you write it down and read it, you should feel light and good. Phrases like «I’m allowed to be who I am» or «I’m allowed to say no» are two examples.
Daily practice, affirmations and self-compassion: internalise a new set of beliefs
Once you’ve found a new set of beliefs, it’s time for daily practice: «The neural networks we develop in childhood are very strong. We walk the same paths over and over again, and it takes a lot of practice to forge new ones,» Herz says. Writing the phrases on Post-it notes and putting them up around your home can help you internalise the beliefs.
Another option is affirmations. Zellinger uses the method regularly with clients: «Affirmations are input for the subconscious. If you say them often enough, they become core beliefs.»
This may sound corny or like a bad Hollywood movie, but take two minutes a day, stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eye, and recite your positive beliefs – ideally with joy.
Header image: Shutterstock
Olivia Leimpeters-Leth
Autorin von customize mediahouse
oliver.fischer@digitecgalaxus.chI'm a sucker for flowery turns of phrase and allegorical language. Clever metaphors are my Kryptonite – even if, sometimes, it's better to just get to the point. Everything I write is edited by my cat, which I reckon is more «pet humanisation» than metaphor. When I'm not at my desk, I enjoy going hiking, taking part in fireside jamming sessions, dragging my exhausted body out to do some sport and hitting the occasional party.
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