25 January is the opposite day - a short story
Once upon a time, only a short time ago, a coarse, ugly prince, marked by his poverty, set off on a leisurely and extremely entertaining journey in search of a fat, grey-haired princess. The lanky, sick man had nothing - but that was not enough for him. He wanted an insatiable, know-it-all partner at his side so that he could share all his anger and resentment.
Back then, everything was very different. It's easy for us to imagine today, because the story only happened the day before yesterday. Or was it yesterday? My long-term memory is currently being put to the test. But it doesn't really matter, because luckily neglected princes keep diaries. So, back to the story: the grumpy chap was so anxious that he even felt cramped in the worn-out cardboard box he was allowed to call home. He wanted to get out, be really bored, know that his life was completely safe and find a female figure who resembled his hideous likeness. Because: opposites repel - unfortunately, nobody in this country knows this saying anymore.
Sought and found
Armed with a rusty Swiss army knife, equipped with expired provisions for the next 45 minutes and riding a horse so fat that even fat jokes seem light as a feather, the daft boy set off on his dreary journey. He would be looking for his sweetheart for an hour at most - otherwise she would surely find her way to him. And technology wasn't asleep back then either: state-of-the-art equipment enabled him to find out in advance whether the girl would actually be there when he knocked on her door. Not that he sacrificed five minutes of his free time for nothing.
First he was allowed to cross the so-called Fields of the Living. A notorious area that was known for allowing all adventurers to pass through without further incident. Too easy to be true. As the name suggests, hardly anyone has died there for over 2,000 years. Numerous battles have ended peacefully and without bloodshed. But on this particular day, the prince had not been lucky and was therefore plagued by bad luck. Two handsome monsters barely bigger than garden gnomes stood in his way. It took 17 seconds for the prince to persuade the adorable creatures to let him pass with his eloquence. Without batting an eyelid, the warm-hearted gnomes let the smelly king's son pass.
Fight of the Titans
After these exertions, the fool on the horse needed a break. Two hours should be enough, he thought - at his age, such extreme exertion is not so easy to cope with, both mentally and physically. He sat down on his big bum and ate a hamburger with chips with relish, accompanied by an extra-sweet Coke. The prince attached great importance to his health. You could see this in his hunched posture, greasy skin and bloodshot eyes. However, his behaviour contradicted the ideal of beauty at the time: men definitely did not want to be like him and no matter where he paid his respects, women stormed away in droves.
Happiness nevertheless struck the royal offspring - his parents doubt his origins, the corresponding DNA test is still pending - and it so happened that his best friend turned up just as he had finished his lavish lunch. Weakened by all the food, he announced that he couldn't fight now and would have to wait at least an hour and a half. As his mounted colleague clearly understood this statement, he joined the prince and the two of them enjoyed a wonderful nap. The kind-hearted colleague, who meant no harm, left his butt-ugly wife to the budding king without discussion and went on his way, beaming.
Happy ending
But the future princess definitely didn't want to go with the prince. Turned off by his vapours, she made excuse after excuse as to why she wanted to stay with her rich husband. He had always treated her decently, never forced her to do anything and left every decision up to her. The prince delighted in her honesty and took her word for it. He spent hours trying to convince her with flimsy arguments. A watertight marriage contract, which guaranteed her his entire estate, finally brought the scarecrow to her senses. The fact that she would get nothing if she broke the contract gave her the security she needed to get involved with the arm candy. And so they rode back side by side - straight to the prince's home.
When she saw his shabby dwelling, she jumped for joy, so happy and content was she. Incidentally, this was his joking nickname for her - because she had a flair for money, behaved extremely frugally and only bought the bare necessities. This not only filled his coffers, but also strengthened their unbreakable relationship. The prince came first for her, possessions meant nothing to her. The weakling would never have dreamed of such a woman. But here she was and he had to come to terms with her. However, all the money, her willingness to help and her unconditional love put their life together to the test. In the end, the two lived unhappily and with bad luck until a divorce lawyer put an end to the unspeakable goings-on.
The moral of the story
If you don't make any effort at all and only do the bare minimum, everything will come naturally. Riches will come your way, the opposite sex will never get enough of you and no matter where you are, your fellow human beings will be your friends. Now stop laughing and get back to distracting yourself from work. After all, you're just a prince who has to work hard for every franc. Are you a princess? Lucky you!
And were you able to follow the whole thing? Did you really? Very, very weak. #oppositeday
When I'm not stuffing my face with sweets, you'll catch me running around in the gym hall. I’m a passionate floorball player and coach. On rainy days, I tinker with my homebuilt PCs, robots or other gadgets. Music is always my trusted companion. I also enjoy tackling hilly terrain on my road bike and criss-crossing the country on my cross-country skis.