How to Be an Adult in Relationships

Most people see love as a feeling, says David Richo, but love is less about a feeling and more about a way of being present in the moment. In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that does not focus on finding an ideal partner but on becoming a loving and realistic person. Based on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, "How to Be an Adult in Relationships" explores five characteristics of mindful love and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life:

1. Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and acknowledging all the feelings that play a role in our relationships.
2. Acceptance of ourselves and others as we are.
3. Appreciation of all our gifts, our limitations, our desires, and our moving human dilemmas.
4. Affection expressed through respectful holding and touching.
5. Allowing life and love to be as they are, with all their ecstasy and pain, without trying to take control.

When these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A's—are deeply understood and applied, they form the foundation for mature love. They help us move from judgment, fear, and blame to an attitude of openness, compassion, and realism regarding life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, serving as a ground for personal transformation.