Become the friend that no one can stand
You can win a Monopoly, because we really don't want this anymore.
The competition has ended.
Winners' Monopoly: the strategy that ends your relationships
4.9.2020
Translation: machine translated
Pictures: Thomas Kunz
Monopoly wasn't designed for nice people, we agree. But there's a 'bad guy', and there's a 'ruthless capitalist'. The strategy I'm about to show you is sure to earn you victory... and the hatred of your opponents.
Monopoly is a board game that has the potential to end even the strongest of relationships. Everyone hates it, and yet someone always comes up with the bright idea to play a little game. Maybe you go for the classic version, maybe for the Fast and Furious version. Whatever, everyone ends up in a merciless battle, and realises once again that capitalism is an unfair system. This game is just awful, everyone ends up hating each other.
To get out of this bad patch as quickly as possible, you need a strategy. But before we present it to you, let's quickly review the basic rules.
Overview of the basic rules of Monopoly
The most important aspect of this table game first marketed with its current rules in 1935 by the Parker brothers is its name. The idea is not to own every street. That's not what we mean here by "monopoly". But we'll look at that later.
Three rules are essential to the strategy I'm about to present:
- Always roll two six-sided dice at once.
- Auctions are possible. You can put your properties up for auction.
- When the bank runs out of houses, no one can build any more.
Of course, the other rules apply too, but they're not particularly relevant to my strategy. The three rules above can be twisted to win the game in seven moves.
The strategy in detail
First of all, know one thing: this strategy will turn you into a totally uncaring capitalist. Incidentally, hardcore capitalists are now called "neoliberals", so as not to offend them. Forget your left-wing green ideas and your compassion for your opponents right now.
Start by buying everything
At the start of the game, buy every square you land on. Don't worry, you'll only keep a few. The rest will be used as merchandise during your auctions.
It's simple, set yourself apart from other players by owning more properties. What's more, the other players may well end up on your squares and then have to rake in a bit of cash.
Sell what's worthless
Some squares are useless. The effort is too great for the results.
- The purple boxes
- The brown boxes
- The railways
- The services
Buy these boxes, and haggle with them. But don't try to complete these groups. Having a monopoly on these boxes isn't worth it.
Do everything you can to buy those squares
You're going to have to quickly start extracting money from your opponents. To do this, some squares are more useful than others. Statistically, these are the ones that players land on most often, the ones between 6 and 12 squares after the prison, i.e. the orange and red squares.
Do whatever you can to access these boxes. Pay too much at auction, haggle with other boxes. "I'll give you two railways for a red square"? Deal!
Auctions: more purchases in less time
When a player lands on a square without buying it, it can be put up for auction. Take advantage of this and buy everything you can.
The advantage is that this way you buy properties at extremely low prices. When a square costs XXX francs, you can start the auction at 10 francs.
Groups: the key to success
Try to get all the squares of the same colour together as quickly as possible. Those who land on your property will have to pay double the rent. You'll earn more money, and you'll be able to buy, and especially build, more.
Prison, an enemy that wishes you well
Prison isn't just an annoying square in the corner of the game board or the starting point of your financial reign over the game, it's also a square on which you pay no rent. On the other hand, it doesn't stop you doing business with your properties.
Two pieces of advice when it comes to prison:
- At the beginning of the game, avoid going to prison at all costs, or do everything you can to get out.
- Towards the end of the game, try to stay there.
Houses: the monopoly of Monopoly
The definition of "monopoly" is arguably Monopoly's biggest misunderstanding. The aim is not to own all the squares, but to ruin your opponents. So having a monopoly does not mean having control over all the squares.
Having a monopoly means having control over all the houses.
Here are the rules for building houses:
The last rule is the most important of all. It's the one that gives you a monopoly on the game. When a player buys a hotel, buy the houses as quickly as possible. Because once all the houses are sold, no one can build anything else. No hotel, no house, nothing at all.
As soon as the bank has no more houses, everyone who doesn't own about three or more houses has lost out. But they don't know it yet.
This strategy (almost) guarantees you victory. If you value your friendships or relationships, perhaps this isn't the strategy for you...
Do you really want to play this game?
To do my research, I had to spread out a full Monopoly game on my table. It gets me drunk. It really does. I already hate enough things that make it worth my while.
If you want it, click the button at the bottom of the article; I'll send it to the winner of the prize draw.
Journalist. Author. Hacker. A storyteller searching for boundaries, secrets and taboos – putting the world to paper. Not because I can but because I can’t not.
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