My key ring is big and bombastic – for good reason
27.8.2024
Translation: Patrik Stainbrook
When it comes to keys, I’m scatterbrained and impatient. That’s exactly why my key ring has to be wild.
«Anika, what the hell is THAT?» Horror was written all over my boss’s face when he recently spotted my bunch of keys. Within seconds, his right eyebrow shot up, and I suspect he even briefly regretted his recruiting decision. After all, Martin is the man behind key fob typology – and I do very, very badly in that respect.
My bunch of keys is one thing above all – big and colourful. Dangling from it – alongside various keys – are a neon yellow and purple knotted… thing, a cute penguin souvenir from San Francisco and a wire rabbit whose purpose has always been nebulous. But hey, it’s cute – and it offers even more space for attaching all kinds of bits and bobs.
And for good reason, as you’ll now learn.
1. I’ll never forget it
Last year, I was hit by a train of bad luck during my lunch break. I just wanted to quickly take my recyclable bottles to the supermarket. Suddenly, I found myself in the stairwell without my keys, money or a phone. Jogging bottoms and Birkenstock slippers only. I’d locked myself out. Damn! Why? Well, for one, I didn’t yet have an XXL fob, instead keeping my key in a small wooden box next to the door. I’d simply forgotten it. Fortunately, a neighbour rescued me and let me make a phone call. I begrudgingly paid 300 euros for the locksmith who picked my door within two minutes.
And to make sure THAT doesn’t happen again, I bought this neon monster. As well as making sure to always put the key in the lock from the inside. That way I’ll never, ever, EVER forget it.
If you’re a bit of a dingus like me, try this bunch of visual oddities:
2. I’ll always be able to find it
A nice side effect of my large key ring? I don’t have to dig around in my handbag or rucksack for it. I give my bag a quick shake and I can already hear the unmistakeable jingle of tags. A well-aimed reach into the dark and I’m holding the thing.
Source: Martin Jungfer
3. It won’t be that easy to steal, no?
Let’s be honest, anyone who steals my bunch of keys has only themselves to blame. The thing’s big, ugly and above all conspicuous – wholly unsuitable for thieves. Or is the exact opposite the case? Will I make my keys even more of a target with the colourful clutter? I’ll have to investigate this further. And take good care of them until then. But that’s exactly why my key ring is so colourful: this way, I’ll never lose sight of it.
So, what are all the keys on my key ring for? Ha, that I know! One’s for the building’s front door, one’s for my flat, one’s for the cellar, one’s for the backyard gate, one’s for my mum’s flat, one’s for the mailbox, one’s for the office, one’s for… uh. Let’s hope my boss doesn’t read this part. I can already see his eyebrow twitching again.
Anika Schulz
Teamleader Editorial
Anika.Schulz@galaxus.deAs a child, I was socialised with Mario Kart on SNES before ending up in journalism after graduating from high school. As a team leader at Galaxus, I'm responsible for news. I'm also a trekkie and an engineer.
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