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Fun, games and stigma: what really happens at sex toy parties

24.11.2022

Translation: Katherine Martin

At sex toy parties, dildo parties or Pepper Parties, foreplay moves out of the bedroom and onto the dining table. Or does it?

Sweets and sex toys have a lot in common. They delight us in all sorts of shapes and colours, they can be enjoyed alone or with someone else, and they satisfy the most rudimentary of needs: desire. So, it was only a matter of time before we party hosts decided to accompany the cake buffet with a dildo buffet.

My friends are also regulars at sex toy parties. In the past, these events raised a few eyebrows. Foreplay on the dining table and facilitated group sex?! That’s the sort of thing I was thinking, and I wanted to give the parties a little more scrutiny. Now, my curiosity has led me to many a bizarre situation. But my first sex toy party a few years back wasn’t one of them. Contrary to my expectations, there were lots of giggles and some bashful looks exchanged behind dildos in outstretched hands. This although my group of friends see themselves as enlightened women. Women who, if the corners of their mouths were to twitch at the sight of a dildo, would only be doing so out of esteem for the wonder of the technology.

No sleaze here: a sex toy party is closer to a potluck than an orgy.
Source: Olivia Leth

Many moons, relationships, bad dates, good dates and the best part of our twenties later, we’ve mostly shaken off the nervous giggles. No vibrator in the world can shock us more than a date who tries to talk you into coitus interruptus at the end of the evening. So, when I tell my friends I’m going to organise another sex toy party, they prepare themselves for an information evening. They want a rundown of the key details and what to bring. I guess people who’ve already seen a thing or two are hard to shock.

A party with a nefarious image

The sex party’s reputation precedes it – and my past misconception puts me in good company. Eva, a freelance «PepperParties» consultant and our expert for the evening, is no stranger to inappropriate questions.

«I’ve had the strangest requests,» she says. «One group wanted to host a BDSM party at my place. Another wanted to invite a sex worker so that they could try the sex toy out on her right away.»

Requests like these are obviously turned down. So that the misunderstanding is finally cleared up, a sex toy party isn’t some sleazy event involving the exchange of bodily fluids. In fact, it’s more comparable to a potluck. Instead of plastic Tupperware containers, it’s vibrators, lube and candy strings (edible underwear made of sweets) on show. There’s prosecco and plenty of laughs. The laughter doesn’t come from a place of shame, as it did in the past. Instead, we laugh because this is sexual education done to the extreme – presented in an almost flamboyant way. No, you don’t need a vibrator to be sexually free. But sometimes, a vibrator and a bit of frankness help us get a taste of what sexual freedom can feel like.

Prosecco and sex: these wanton displays are part and parcel of sex toy parties.
Source: Olivia Leth

That’s where Eva – and ideally a room of shameless gal pals – come in. The consultant you’ve booked comes to you at home, bringing a selection of sex toys and a stack of vouchers along with her. It’s then up to you to decorate your apartment for the occasion, make penis or clitoris biscuits and vulva cupcakes and play sexo, erm saxophone music in the background.

The focal point of the event, however, is clear, «Our goal is to talk about and educate people on sexuality and masturbation in a credible way,» says Eva. But at the end of the day, it’s a party, not an information evening. Enjoyment, games and fun take centre stage at the parties. But first business, then pleasure.

The appetiser: pillow talk at the dining table

These parties usually take place in your own home. However, since Eva would have an allergic reaction to my cats, my BFFs and I spend the evening at her place. «Mmhs» and aahs» of interest float through the room as everyone bends over the dildo buffet, pondering which end is which on each device. «Would you look at that?», says my friend appreciatively as her gaze falls on a clitoral vibrator in black silicon.

Treasure or trash? First impressions of the toys aren’t always exclusively positive.
Source: Olivia Leth

Looking at the spaceship-like dildo, I think to myself, «Either the manufacturer is very familiar with what women want in bed, or it hasn’t got the faintest clue.» Eva, our consultant, passes round one product after the other, explaining their features, technology and operation, giving her personal opinion of each product as she goes along. Lubricants, massage oils, fragrances and a tingly body spray get things started. An appetiser, if you will. It’s a nice warm-up, but it doesn’t satiate our hunger yet.

Vibrators

CHF119.–

Womanizer Premium 2

Vibrators

CHF35.70

Satisfyer Little Secret

Lubricants

Quantity discount

CHF9.10 per piece for 2 units CHF182.–/1l

Durex Play Perfect Glide

50 ml

Vibrators

CHF119.–

Womanizer Premium 2

Vibrators

CHF35.70

Satisfyer Little Secret

Quantity discount

Lubricants

CHF9.10 per piece for 2 units CHF182.–/1l

Durex Play Perfect Glide

50 ml

The main course: time to bring out the big guns

With the arrival of the vibrators, things finally get interesting. Those who once thought steam-powered vibrators could cure hysteria would trust these bad boys with an exorcism. The «Kugelstoßer» and the «Black Beauty» – in a way the Cadillacs of vibrators – start changing hands. We agree that the manufacturers know exactly what they’re doing. These vibrators are a true, all-inclusive care package made of the finest medical grade silicone. They have a thrusting function, a vibrating ball («pearl massage» for the G-spot) and clitoral stimulation in different intensities. I opt to buy one, deciding to rev up my Cadillac without any passengers present. There are some fantasies I’d like to keep private, without having to share or explain them to anyone. It’s a slice of freedom I’m claiming for myself.

The bill, please!

Unlike in a restaurant, guests at a sex toy party only order once the table has been cleared. All that’s left to do is wait for the parcel to arrive in discrete packaging. Strictly speaking, the world doesn’t have any need for vibrators. But reaching into your nightstand drawer is just so much fun – like reaching into a candy drawer. Sex toy parties are like an indulgent trip to the sweet shop. Only, the pleasure your haul brings you doesn’t melt away in seconds.

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Olivia Leimpeters-Leth

Autorin von customize mediahouse

oliver.fischer@digitecgalaxus.ch

I'm a sucker for flowery turns of phrase and allegorical language. Clever metaphors are my Kryptonite – even if, sometimes, it's better to just get to the point. Everything I write is edited by my cat, which I reckon is more «pet humanisation» than metaphor. When I'm not at my desk, I enjoy going hiking, taking part in fireside jamming sessions, dragging my exhausted body out to do some sport and hitting the occasional party.

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