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«Did somebody say penis

We all love a good fancy dress costume, but judging by the following models, the manufacturers definitely waved goodbye to creativity. Their motto seems to have been: As long as there’s genitalia, we’re on to a winner.

A few days ago, my fellow editor Vanessa Kim showed me a strange costume available from our range. We were both in stitches over it. After catching our breath, we did a little research and found an impressive amount of similarly explicit models in our shop. I do not want to deny you of these gems and put together a small but fine selection. Enjoy!

Phalli as far as the eye can see

In the spirit of the season, I’d like to kick things off with this particularly original Santa Claus. Whether you’re at work, out and about or at a family get-together. This costume will definitely make you a laughing stock or get you arrested. Feast your eyes on the mistletoe above his crown jewels. If that’s not an invitation, I don’t know what is.

Dirty Santa (M)
Smiffys Dirty Santa (M)

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Forget about everything around the penis. Who needs the man attached to it anyway? All they are is trouble. So let’s focus on what’s important. Judging by the look on the model’s face, he did not enjoy the photo shoot too much. Is it just me or does he look a little peed off? :)

Penis (XL)
CHF 79.90
Limit Penis (XL)

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  • approx. 2 – 4 days
    5 item(s) ready for shipment from external warehouse

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This is where things start getting weird. Personally, I don’t think this costume makes much sense. Sure, the guy’s got a colossal schlong but what’s up with the rest of it? Why is he wearing a wig? What’s up with the fluffy bra? And why has he put on that hideous pink cardigan?

The bare facts Crazy (L)
CHF 63.90
Limit The bare facts Crazy (L)

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  • approx. 2–3 weeks
    Currently > 5 piece(s) in stock at the supplier

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Now it’s time for a wee trip up north. Welcome to the Scottish Highlands! Explore unspoiled nature, harsh weather and a drunk fellow lifting his kilt to show off his overdimensional knob. Great!

Well hung Scotsman (M)
CHF 69.90
Smiffys Well hung Scotsman (M)

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  • approx. 2 – 4 days
    > 5 item(s) ready for shipment from external warehouse

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Rumour has it that the following accessory is guaranteed to go down a bomb at any stag do. Personally, I find that kind of bachelor party cringeworthy. A bunch of drunk dudes wearing identical T-shirts, armed with a handcart full of liquor and a victim aka the groom. This totally misses the mark, in my opinion. Just enjoy your special evening like civilised people and stop bothering passers-by!

Bachelor do: Backside and penis
CHF 11.90
Smiffys Bachelor do: Backside and penis

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Mail delivery

  • approx. 2 – 4 days
    5 item(s) ready for shipment from external warehouse

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Hang on a minute. The sperm is holding the penis in its hand? And why on earth is the willy smaller than the sperm? Speaking of which, something’s very wrong with that sperm! All it is, is a white overall and a silly-looking pointy hat worn like a hood. The designer must have fallen in a creative abyss that day.

Sperm Crazy (L)
CHF 40.80
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Availability

  • approx. 2–3 weeks
    Currently > 5 piece(s) in stock at the supplier

If ordered immediately.
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Outlandish racks

This particular range has far more phalli than breasts. However, I did come across two costumes that on par their male counterparts.

For one, there’s this beautiful Baywatch mermaid. Not only does she have a hairy face, her nether regions are revealing an impressive amount of fur sprouting from behind that red bathing suit. But the true showstoppers are definitely those overdimensional, artificially enhanced boobs. They’re so big, in fact, that there just wasn’t enough material to cover the nipples with the lifeguard logo.

Lifeguard (L)
CHF 54.40
Limit Lifeguard (L)

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  • approx. 2–3 weeks
    Currently 1 piece(s) in stock at the supplier

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Another feast for the eyes is this sweet old lady with her kneepads. What I find particularly disturbing is the product description: «Give your bride a glimpse into the future and let her experience the feeling of being an elderly housewife rattled by gravity.» Say what?

Gravity granny (M)
CHF 39.90
Smiffys Gravity granny (M)

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Mail delivery

  • approx. 2 – 4 days
    4 item(s) ready for shipment from external warehouse

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  • Unfortunately, this product cannot be collected.

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Avatar

Ramon Schneider, Zurich

  • Junior Editor
Riding my motorbike makes me feel free, fishing brings out my inner hunter, using my camera gets me creative. I make my money messing around with toys all day.

5 comments

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User cedric97

Quality Post :^)

06.12.2018
User Valie Varda

Auf in den Kampf gegen die Prüderie! *yippieyippieai*

10.12.2018
User paschofmann1

Wollte ich wirklich nicht sehen. Danke für nichts.

24.12.2018
User mariolambert

Ich finde die Peniskostüme einfach nur geschmacklos. Gerade auch, weil auch Jugendliche, oder sigar Kinder auf Galaxus stöbern. Das mit dem Samichlaus ist absolut Geschmacklos!

09.12.2018
User navor

Sie lachen wohl nicht allzu oft im Leben

11.12.2018
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