Monkey Business Sardines Paper Clip
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1. Weekend bragging
Your office colleagues are going on about their amazing weekends. Ueli from accounting went hiking and Elena from marketing was trying out new vegan recipes and guess what? She got all the ingredients at the local market. So what about you? You were club-hopping your way down Langstrasse on both Friday and Saturday night. In the wee hours of the morning, you eventually forced yourself to go home, and now you’re dreading your bank balance. So Sunday consisted of blotchy skin, greasy hair and binge watching TV series. Your biggest achievement: ordering a takeaway. Well done!
2. The lift
You get in the lift and are relieved to find you have it all to yourself. But at the last minute, one of your colleagues squeezes in. Great. And thanks to him blocking the door, you’re joined by another four of his kind. It just got so cramped that you’re all pushed up against each other and trying to avoid eye contact at all costs. Eye contact – just imagine. That would be terrible.
3. E-mail fail
Your bitching about a really annoying colleague who’s getting on your nerves with those stupid tasks he keeps giving you. Unfortunately, you’ve just sent him said e-mail.
Somebody’s brought cake. How nice. A true office highlight. But that also means it’s somebody’s birthday. And you've no idea whose it is. Your boss'? Your desk neighbour's? What else to do but grab a big slice of cake, return to your desk and wait for the first person to congratulate the birthday boy or girl. Eventually, you do find out. It’s none other than your desk neighbour. Whoops. “Heeey, congrats”, you say stiffly (still clutching that slice of cake in one hand) and wonder if you should give an awkward handshake like you did back in kindergarten.
5. Underwear fiasco
Too late. You’ve just realized you’re wearing those uncomfortable underpants. So you’ve got two options: Either feel uncomfortable all day and slide around on your office chair or go to the toilet to remove the culprit. Granted, both aren’t great solutions.
You get on the overcrowded train. Not a free seat in sight. So you sit on the stairs – much to the annoyance of the passengers who want to get off. Whatever. “Well you’re all getting on my nerves even more!”, you’re thinking. At that moment, you realize you’ve left your headphones at home. This is the worst-case scenario. After 10 minutes of panic-fuelled rummaging in your bag and pockets there’s still nothing. Now it’s not just the prattling at the office you’ve got to endure but also the mind-numbing conversations on the train.
It’s lunchtime. Finally things are looking up! Well that’s what you think. Queuing up in the canteen, you realise you’ve no cash on you (rewind. The weekend. Langstrasse and stuff) and they don’t accept cards – what else.
You’ve grabbed some food and have just sat down at the canteen or the office kitchen. Moments later, there's sauce running down your chin and dripping onto your new jumper. Precisely at that moment, your office crush walks past and sees you in full pig-out mode.
Nature is calling. You need to go number two. All you want now is a little peace and quiet. But clearly that’s too much to ask. An office colleague joins you on the way to the toilet. Bye-bye privacy! Either he’ll hear the interesting soundscape coming out of your cubicle or he’ll get suspicious that you still haven’t finished after five minutes.
10. Joke fail
It’s late afternoon, you’ve loosened up a bit and are even feeling somewhat sociable. But your below-the-belt joke just totally bombed. Ba-dum-tss. Clearly, your coworkers have no sense of humour and just don’t get how funny you are.
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